ETHON’S POV

Elle opened her eyes. She had her hands pressed against her ears as if she wanted to silence the world. She was looking at me with that same helpless expression she always has whenever she felt as if she couldn’t take anything anymore.

I swallowed hard. “What did you see?”

She shook her head and started to make these gasping sounds I couldn’t believe was from her. She started shaking as well and I didn’t know what to do. I felt as if I would scare her more if I touched her.

Ugh. Why did I have to be such an idiot? Why did I have to do that?

She almost fell and I caught her by the shoulders, careful not hurt or frighten her. Elle was hugging her legs to herself and it felt as if my insides would burst. It hurt so much seeing her like that. And it was my fault. I didn’t think.

Such an idiot. What have I done?

She was facing the training room, her back against my chest. I could still feel her shaking and breathing in as if she couldn’t get enough air. I didn’t know what to do, or how to take her out of that state. She looked so scared and hurt so much that I couldn’t do anything. She kept shaking.

“Th-that happened before,” she said finally, her voice small.

I clenched my hands into fists. It’s my fault. I made her remember something she didn’t want to. I shouldn’t have done that.

“What happened?”

“Pinned down,” she said in between gasps. “A man. He uh—”

After she said that, whoever that man was, I wanted to hurt him. My fists got tighter and I could see my knuckles whiten. Elle lost her voice and let out a small scream that didn’t sound like hers.

I let go of those fists and hugged her by the shoulders, steadying her.

I’m so sorry, Elle. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I’m so sorry.

“You’re safe,” I said, trying to stop her from shaking. “That’s done, okay? You’re alright. You’re safe.”

You’re with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re with me.

She shuddered, unable to keep herself still. My insides started twisting inside of me again. Thoughts raced in my mind. That man hurt her. He hurt her. And I wasn’t there to do anything about it.

“Did he—” I said, my voice strained. “Did he do… anything to you?”

Elle shook her head. “Kai saved me.”

Kai. That name again. I didn’t know what to feel exactly. But somehow, I’m thankful. I honestly didn’t care who it was, as long as Elle was protected. Usually after hearing his name I would feel angry, but now I couldn’t. He protected her. She was safe.

I leaned my head slowly against her ear, my arms still around her. I did this gradually, afraid I might break her. She felt so fragile and weak in my arms. I didn’t want anyone to get near her, I wanted her to stay here with me so that I could protect her.

“Someday,” I whispered. “Remind me to thank him for protecting you.”

Elle nodded but continued shaking. She pulled my arms tighter around her and I complied, pulling her closer to me as well. She put her face on one of my arms. She felt warm and her face felt wet. She was crying again. She was squeezing my arms now. I don’t know if she noticed it but her nails were already inside my skin.

It hurt a little but I ignored it. She needed me. She was shaking so badly and I wanted to say something to stop it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.

 I couldn’t hide her from the world like I wanted to. I couldn’t stop her from crying. I couldn’t make her happy. I stared at the ceiling.

God. You’re there, right? I can’t do anything right now. I don’t know what to do. Can you please, make her stop… shaking? Make her stop feeling this way? I don’t like seeing her like this. And I have no idea how to make her happy or how to stop her from crying. Please, God. Help.

Slowly, Elle’s shaking reduced. I sighed, relieved. I put my head on her shoulder, near her neck. This part of her felt cold. She felt cold now.

Thanks for that, Lord. Thank you so much.

She tugged my arms against her again and I pulled her closer, my heart beating louder this time. I sighed again. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, not at a time like this. Her hands were cold now. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. My head was still on her shoulder. She was shaking less now and her breathing matched mine.

She stopped squeezing her nails into my arm. I could feel the pulse on her shoulder.

She’s okay now. I should let go. This is enough.

“We have another hour before lunch,” I whispered.

She nodded slowly and raised her head up. Her face wasn’t on my arm anymore.

“You should rest.” I let go of her now and she slowly stood up.

She faced me now and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

Then she left. I was still sitting on the floor.

I buried my face in my hands, thinking about what I had just done. I hated this weak side of me. What was I thinking? Triggering something like that in her? Why? She was so scared… what happened to her. How did Kai… save her? Who was that man?

I clenched my hands into fists again.

I won’t let anyone hurt you, Elle. Not again, not ever.

Then I remembered about the trial. I groaned. It was frustrating. I can’t do anything.

I punched a fist down the floor.

I’m so useless.